Harmony within our own homes seems to be somewhat of a Holy Grail, especially when we have pre-school children in our families. The natural state of mess, noise and high level of energy which contributes to the healthy development of toddlers sometimes contradicts the parents’ wishes of peace, quiet and harmony.
But rest assured, all hope is not lost, because harmony goes hand in hand with structure and predictability. You might say that all children need love and freedom to explore the world around them, but freedom in the absence of limitations has a way of turning into a never-ending chaos.
So, where do we go from here? Combining rules and routines, on one hand, and consistently encouraging independent behaviours in your child, on the other hand, can result in some well-deserved peace of mind for you as parents. Now remember one essential aspect: consistency glues harmony right on the relationship between children and parents.
When you feel like you know everything there is to know about your own child (their needs, hopes, wishes, likes, dislikes, and motivations), I challenge you to think of yourselves at your child’s current age: How were you? What did you look like? Were you talking? Did you have a daily schedule? Who was the most important person in your world? What rules did you follow at home? Did you have time to play by yourself? Some call it profound empathy. I call it nurturing parenting.
Based on the assumption that if you know what your child needs, you can better tend to his/her needs by designing reasonable rules and logical routines, it really helps to place yourself in his/her shoes once in a while.
Ambushing your child with a lot of rigid rules will create blockages, rather than offer the structure needed to grow and develop. So, one way of going about it would be to involve your child in creating family rules, as well as the consequences of breaking those rules. If you are wondering what you can make rules about, here are some topics: daily routines, safety, behaviour, and manners. You can have ‘do’ rules, ‘don’t’ rules, ground rules and situational rules to make your everyday life manageable.
When talking about daily routines, they are nothing more than a comprehensive and predictable schedule for you and your toddler. Before making your child’s daily routines think of your own and try to blend them in together with theirs.
In case you have forgotten: your needs are as important as your child’s needs, so be kind to yourself! Some needs which have to be considered in building daily routines are sleep, eating, use of the toilet, independent play time, playing together with others, and quality time between children and parents.
In conclusion, brainstorming a set of basic household rules with all the members of the family is not so difficult after all. Following them through, applying the mutually agreed consequences and adjusting them depending on the different stages of development your child experiences will, for sure, keep you busy!
And last, but not least: give children the space they need to exercise their independence within safe boundaries, as this is the freedom they feel comfortable with at this age. Have a safe journey on your way to family harmony and positive discipline!
